Uncomfortable Condolences

You have probably already noticed that grievers and comforters hear with very different ears. I have been astonished at some of the incredibly insensitive things well-meaning comforters have said to me. When I share those things in community, people are often surprised to learn the comment was offensive. On the other hand, in the community of loss, we are shocked together at uncomfortable condolences. I hope you will never hear, “your precious one is in a better place.” I hope you will never hear, “God needed another flower in His garden.” Or, “your loss is proof that God only takes the best.” All of these make God seem a bully, one willing to cause you terrible pain to enhance the heavenly garden. When you do hear uncomfortable condolences, know that the person most likely means well. Know also that I am sorry for the additional pain those unthinking words have caused you. And, if you are less than gracious in your response, that is okay too!

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