Ban “Should” from your grief vocabulary

            As we grieve, we hear many voices tell us we “should” do this, should do that, should feel this, should feel that by now, should not do this, should not feel that. Does any of this sound familiar? I propose we ban the word, “should” from the griever’s dictionary. The only should we should do (see what I did there?)…the only should we should do is that we should take this grief journey as it comes to us. Also, we should give ourselves grace and time to experience this loss. No one has the right to dictate how we should feel. No one can tell us what we should do or how we should experience grief. Each one of us has our own experience of loss. “Should” carries a weight of expectation we do not need to carry right now. We SHOULD not be made to feel guilty for doing or not doing, for saying or not saying, for feeling or not feeling something someone else thinks we should be doing, saying or feeling. “Should” is a word I use to remind myself of the ways I have fallen short of the mark. I SHOULD not do that. I SHOULD extend grace to myself and to others. You SHOULD too! Blessings to you on this journey we did not ask to take.

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