Since your loss, have you ever heard this attempted condolence, “at least he lived a long life?” Or, “at least you didn’t lose a child”. Or, maybe, “you got to spend fifty years together, what about those who newlyweds who died?” Grief is NOT a competition! When my parents died, I experienced the worst pain...

There is no law that requires us to keep holiday traditions the same as we always have. In fact, we are not required to keep holidays at all. It may be too difficult to do the Christmas traditions we did with our precious ones. In fact, I have not decorated my house for Christmas in...

From the time we are children, we fear the unknown. And now, everything in our life seems different, sinister, unknown. It is perfectly normal to feel fear. My beloved used to take care of x, y and z. I don’t even know how to do x, y and z. Now, what am I going to...

You have probably already noticed that grievers and comforters hear with very different ears. I have been astonished at some of the incredibly insensitive things well-meaning comforters have said to me. When I share those things in community, people are often surprised to learn the comment was offensive. On the other hand, in the community...

The word “Depression” has three distinct uses. The most common way we use the word is to mean that we are sad. In overly dramatizing an unpleasant emotion, we may sigh and say, “I am soooo depressed.” No, you are having a bad day. In psychological terms, “Depression” is a medical condition characterized by long...

For me, one of the heaviest weights of grief has been a strong sense of guilt. Couldn’t I…Shouldn’t I have found some way to prevent the accident, some way to save them? Guilt, especially survivor guilt, is often a failure to communicate between our hearts and our minds. Our minds know the truth, that the...

So, what do we do if the relationship we had with the one who is gone was not all we hoped or dreamed it might be? If there was abuse, or estrangement, or a divorce? Why do we still grieve those complicated or difficult relationships? In these situations, we often face two griefs. One is...

That really depends on the maturity of the kids and their relationship to the one who has died. If the child is mature enough to realize that someone special is now missing from his/her life, take the child to the funeral. If the child expresses a sense of loss, take the child to the funeral....

You have been with this company for years, planned to retire from there. Now the offices are moving to a new city. Your position is gone. Or, you have trained all your life and have acquired the dream job. Six months later, the CEO is indicted for embezzling funds. The company cannot survive. Your job...

At my first visit with a grief counselor, she said, “One day, you will re-invest in life, but you are not nearly ready to do that.” What did she mean by re-invest in life? When I went to see her, my life was in tatters. I had no plans for a future, nothing I really...

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