Anger

It is okay to be angry with our deceased loved ones. As soon as we lose someone, we begin to forget any imperfections that they had, any disagreements we had, any flaws in our relationship. They become perfect in all ways in our memories, because we want to remember them well. This is perfectly normal. However, as time goes on, we begin to remember those other times. This is perfectly normal as well, so we should not shame ourselves for remembering some of the less flattering things. We can be angry, because we never got to have that one significant conversation. We can be angry, because they left us without our consent. In most situations, they did not intend to abandon us, but they are still just as gone. Anger allows us to remember the whole person. We may even come to treasure the things they did that ticked us off the most. One of the irritating things I miss most about my father involved watching KU basketball. If the other team got ahead, Pop would sigh dramatically and say, “Well, it is over now. It was a good run and a good season, but it is over now.” This might be taking place in the first half of a pre-season exhibition game, and here he was writing off the whole season. It used to drive me to distraction! What I wouldn’t give to hear that theatrical sigh, “well, it is over now.” It was part of Pop, and I miss all of who he was. It is okay to be angry with them. And it is okay to grow through that anger. You are growing. You are grieving. You are healing. Blessings.

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